At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
