you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
