It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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