and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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