this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize