I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
