And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize