I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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