allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
