Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
