I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
