so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
