Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
