you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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