you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
