shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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