you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
