nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
