Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
