margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
