I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
