We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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