i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
