My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it because I queefed?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize