This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
