If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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