Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
