I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
