ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
