It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
