I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
