a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
