You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
