I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
