why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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