Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
