You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
