You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
