how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
