I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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