Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
