The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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