So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
