speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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