Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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