Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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