1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
