you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize