Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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