You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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