...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
