she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
