Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
