I wanna passion pit in your ass
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
