my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
