i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
