Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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