OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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