We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
do nipples grow back?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
