So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
