i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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