I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
