drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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