Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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