If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
