Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
True strength comes from lack of pants
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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