just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
