Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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