those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
