you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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