I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
