i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
