Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
