we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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