If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize