So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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