cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
