the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
