you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
