I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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