I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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