im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
