It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am naked and annoyed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
