I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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