Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
