the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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