The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
