After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
