remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
