All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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