I'm going to jail i love you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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