so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
